Connection.

I've been inspired for several years by Adele's writing.  This song is really connecting with me today.  Music for the soul.

Light.

Glimmers of sunlight somehow push their energy through the closed blinds, giving this dead, vacant room a touch of hope with its warm, glowing softness.

Even a suit of armor, cold and hard, can’t keep it all out.  The light has a way of reaching out to everything, seeping through even the tiniest of cracks to spread its love, forcing the darkest and scariest places to fight to the death in attempt to keep it out.

I have plunged my secrets and fears so deeply into the ground that no one would ever know they exist.  It doesn't mean that they don't.  They can’t escape.  It's like burrying a favorite childhood toy in a time capsule.  It might not see the light for hundreds of years, but it's curiosity that drives humanity.  Someday, those secrets will be revealed, and when they've been reunited with the light at last, they will turn into treasures.  It takes time and it takes forgiveness.  When the light is welcomed back with open arms, the soul can finally be cleansed and replenished with all things beautiful.

Finally moving... on.

Months have drifted by in a blur.
So much has happened...
an entirely different group of faces to call my family,
a relationship that's been crushed so hard, the leftover bits fly by in the wind...
hardly unnoticed.
Old musings are merely photographs stuffed in a trunk in the attic.
New musings are only amusing for so long
and then I'm left with my thoughts...
still feeling lonely...
still feeling confused...
still wondering if I'm making the right choice.
Still praying to Whatever-it-or-who it is that listens to prayers
to have some courage to tell you what's been on my mind...
my mind that's flooded with uncertainty...

And it's then,
just when it seems like things couldn't get any worse,
that beauty once again crosses my path.
It's mystery such as this that makes life so wonderful.
People who inspire me to want to better myself,
to set myself free,
to express my art...
they come rushing forward like the high tide washes over the shore...
right on time,
cleansing,
but at the same time leaving new treasures to be discovered.
I'm finally ready to seek these opportunities.
I'm ready to breathe in this new-found energy that's been circulating me the last few weeks.
I'm ready to embrace change and move on.



I'm back.  It's been far too long since I've written here.  Reading through some of my old posts made me realize how much I miss writing down what's actually on my mind.  I look forward to sharing new quirks with all of you.

xoxo,
Christina

Peace of mind.

Autumn is my favorite time of year. There's something about nature that just captivates and inspires me to discover new paths filled with positive change. It's as if every fall, I discover these little things about myself that really create a peace of mind. For nearly as long as I can remember, I did my best to hide the truth. Most times, the reality of certain situations was so intense and scary, I'd find myself daydreaming that I was somebody else, stuck in this beautiful land of "sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows," and I'd tell people that everything was peachy and that I was going to be ok, when in fact, things continued to worsen. To be perfectly honest, it wasn't until a few weeks ago, that the truth began to slap me in the face. My mom has a horrible disease that nearly took her life.  Although we never had a good relationship, something inside pushed me to be with her, forgive her for the heartbreak she caused, forgive myself for hating her at times, and tell her for the first time in years that I love her.  I was the only one by her side, but that's all it took.  Because I let myself be compassionate, honest, and forgiving, she is still with us today.  And for that, I'm so thankful.  So many times, you don't realize what you have until it's gone.  Life lesson: count your blessings.

Colors

"This is the greatest time of day...when all the clocks are spinnin' backwards, and all the ropes that bind begin to fray, and all the black and white turns into colors." -Grace Potter

This woman inspires me so much.  This is one of the most beautiful songs written.

Deep breath.

I find it so incredibly amazing how the littlest things can inspire you to better yourself in the most positive light.  Perhaps it's a movie, or a piece of art, a song, a person that you meet.  Things happen for a reason and if you can't get it out of your head, maybe it's just supposed to stay there.

This week has been a tough one for me.  Unlike myself, I've been sulking in self-pity and frustration.  I've had a difficult time trying to stay positive through a tough time with my family, trying to heal my broken relationship, financial stress, seeking some sort of spiritual guidance, looking everywhere but right in front of my face for something to make me smile...

Epiphany: life is beautiful and for a short while, I get to live in this wonderful place filled with people that do care. Why not follow my dreams? There is nothing that can stop me from persuing what I love. Each doubt is challenged by a stronger solution. Today, I can dance. I can love. I can learn something new. I can discover a piece of my soul that I didn't know existed. I can go wherever I want; it's just up to me to get back on the right path.

The pheonix, one of the most beautiful of mystical creatures is born from it's own ashes. The grass rots into the ground in the fall, but in the spring, it is freshly awakened, gleaming with the brightest, most beautiful green yet.  The tinyest bits of inspiration can get you back on the right track.  Open up your eyes to what's in front of you.  It takes failing to succeed.  Deep breath.  Everything is going to be ok.

Painting: "Friends Under the Rain" by Leonida Fremov

First love.

Beautiful cover to one of my favorite songs.  This one really hits home.