Pretty Lights- "Finally Moving"
"La Bella Vita." Italian to English translation: "The Beautiful Life." This is my story of what's inspiring me and of all things that bring beauty into my day-to-day.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Soul Food
Music to feed my soul: "Through the Dark"
In the words of KT Tunstall and Martin Terefe:
"As I walk away, I look over my shoulder
to find what I'm leaving behind.
Pieces of puzzles and wishes on eyelashes fail.
Oh, how do I show all the love inside my heart?
Well this is all new, and I'm feeling my way through the dark.
And I used to talk of honest conviction,
and how I predicted my words.
I'm gonna leave it to star gazers.
Tell me what your telescope says.
Oh, what is in store for me now? It's coming apart.
I know that it's true, 'cause I'm feeling my way through the dark.
Tryin' to find a light on somewhere.
Tryin' to find a light on somewhere.
I'm finding I'm falling in love with the dark over here.
Oh, what do I know? I don't care. Where do I start?
For my troubles are few as I'm feeling my way through the dark."
In the words of KT Tunstall and Martin Terefe:
"As I walk away, I look over my shoulder
to find what I'm leaving behind.
Pieces of puzzles and wishes on eyelashes fail.
Oh, how do I show all the love inside my heart?
Well this is all new, and I'm feeling my way through the dark.
And I used to talk of honest conviction,
and how I predicted my words.
I'm gonna leave it to star gazers.
Tell me what your telescope says.
Oh, what is in store for me now? It's coming apart.
I know that it's true, 'cause I'm feeling my way through the dark.
Tryin' to find a light on somewhere.
Tryin' to find a light on somewhere.
I'm finding I'm falling in love with the dark over here.
Oh, what do I know? I don't care. Where do I start?
For my troubles are few as I'm feeling my way through the dark."
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Emancipation
It started with the wine.
Smooth and unusually sweet, it slid over my tongue and made its way down my throat.
With each drink, I felt heavier.
The pressure of my conscious guard, dissipating into nothingness, was immense.
I became more raw, more vulnerable,
and as I emptied the bottle, I began to empty myself also.
Secrets.
Secrets that have been held captive by my insecurity began to crawl from within me.
I knew the two faces sitting across from me wanted to know what it was that had been eating me up lately.
These secrets, buried for so long have been gnawing at my mind, at my heart.
They changed me, controlled me. They forced me to make stupid decisions.
How can I possibly smile and love everyone, when all I can think about is how cruel people are.
Why did they hurt me so much? Why did they steal my innocence?
Why did I give up a piece of my soul to desperation?
My eyes pressed together,
cold, bitter jailers trying so hard to contain the imprisoned tears from escaping.
Once I set them free, they would tell everyone of the horrors they had witnessed,
horrors that were slowly killing me.
I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't contain them.
The last sip of wine made its way into my body,
and the tears began to spill.
Secrets began to spill.
I was weak, terrified that they might tell somebody.
I anticipated the judgment and sheer hatred,
and I buried my face in my hands.
Then, suddenly, they were right by my side.
They hugged me.
They told me everything was going to be ok.
I was confused.
"But how can you know? How can you know these things won't come back to haunt me?"
"They already have. I can't believe you never told anyone. Everything is going to be ok. You are going to be ok."
...and for once, I actually believed it.
For the first time in a long time, I feel ok.
It's taken years and a lot of trust to be able to let this out.
I never realized how free I would feel.
Dealing with it alone was only causing detriment and depression.
I feel so lucky to have honest, real, beautiful people in my life.
Friendship is truly a blessing.
Smooth and unusually sweet, it slid over my tongue and made its way down my throat.
With each drink, I felt heavier.
The pressure of my conscious guard, dissipating into nothingness, was immense.
I became more raw, more vulnerable,
and as I emptied the bottle, I began to empty myself also.
Secrets.
Secrets that have been held captive by my insecurity began to crawl from within me.
I knew the two faces sitting across from me wanted to know what it was that had been eating me up lately.
These secrets, buried for so long have been gnawing at my mind, at my heart.
They changed me, controlled me. They forced me to make stupid decisions.
How can I possibly smile and love everyone, when all I can think about is how cruel people are.
Why did they hurt me so much? Why did they steal my innocence?
Why did I give up a piece of my soul to desperation?
My eyes pressed together,
cold, bitter jailers trying so hard to contain the imprisoned tears from escaping.
Once I set them free, they would tell everyone of the horrors they had witnessed,
horrors that were slowly killing me.
I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't contain them.
The last sip of wine made its way into my body,
and the tears began to spill.
Secrets began to spill.
I was weak, terrified that they might tell somebody.
I anticipated the judgment and sheer hatred,
and I buried my face in my hands.
Then, suddenly, they were right by my side.
They hugged me.
They told me everything was going to be ok.
I was confused.
"But how can you know? How can you know these things won't come back to haunt me?"
"They already have. I can't believe you never told anyone. Everything is going to be ok. You are going to be ok."
...and for once, I actually believed it.
For the first time in a long time, I feel ok.
It's taken years and a lot of trust to be able to let this out.
I never realized how free I would feel.
Dealing with it alone was only causing detriment and depression.
I feel so lucky to have honest, real, beautiful people in my life.
Friendship is truly a blessing.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Falling down the rabbit hole.
Computer status= was broken, now fixed, now can blog. "And now...for the rest of the story."
It was a cool, crisp autumn night. My heart was racing with excitement for the evening's festivities. One of my favorite live groups, EOTO, would be playing at the Bourbon Theatre. I walked briskly as the layers of my multi-colored skirt danced in the breeze. Suddenly, I was welcomed by a familiar sight that always brings a huge smile to my face. People of all shapes and sizes, dressed in wild colors and costumes, many with dreads down their backs, dancing, smoking cigarettes, sitting against the wall and people-watching, anticipating the show. It doesn't sound like much, but I had been waiting all night for this. I walked inside and the surroundings quickly faded to black, with neon, glowing light-sticks waving, beams of rainbows circling the room. The beats were hot and everyone was dancing. All I could think about was how my night was going to get more and more exciting. As time moved forward, my mind began to rearrange itself. Things began to shape-shift. The music got louder, more intense. I could feel it start to run through my veins. It was as if we were passionate lovers, becoming one. It moved my body. Stomping, twisting, waving my arms, closing my eyes and letting my hair unwind, free and wild, I let go of all inhibitions. The lights flashed. Strobes made everything move faster. Bongos. My heart pounded, thudded. Whomps. My feet stomped. All night, I danced, letting loose every ounce of stress from within my soul. I had, once again, returned to the rabbit hole, everything a swirl of colors and geometric patterns, everything so much more beautiful. In that moment, I could be myself and not care what anyone thought.
It's amazing the power that letting go for a minute can give you.
Only when I'm falling down, down, down...
colors and shapes,
bright lights,
music
...do I ever feel free.
Stress has taken its toll on me this week.
Tonight, though, I will be better.
Tonight, I will return.
It was a cool, crisp autumn night. My heart was racing with excitement for the evening's festivities. One of my favorite live groups, EOTO, would be playing at the Bourbon Theatre. I walked briskly as the layers of my multi-colored skirt danced in the breeze. Suddenly, I was welcomed by a familiar sight that always brings a huge smile to my face. People of all shapes and sizes, dressed in wild colors and costumes, many with dreads down their backs, dancing, smoking cigarettes, sitting against the wall and people-watching, anticipating the show. It doesn't sound like much, but I had been waiting all night for this. I walked inside and the surroundings quickly faded to black, with neon, glowing light-sticks waving, beams of rainbows circling the room. The beats were hot and everyone was dancing. All I could think about was how my night was going to get more and more exciting. As time moved forward, my mind began to rearrange itself. Things began to shape-shift. The music got louder, more intense. I could feel it start to run through my veins. It was as if we were passionate lovers, becoming one. It moved my body. Stomping, twisting, waving my arms, closing my eyes and letting my hair unwind, free and wild, I let go of all inhibitions. The lights flashed. Strobes made everything move faster. Bongos. My heart pounded, thudded. Whomps. My feet stomped. All night, I danced, letting loose every ounce of stress from within my soul. I had, once again, returned to the rabbit hole, everything a swirl of colors and geometric patterns, everything so much more beautiful. In that moment, I could be myself and not care what anyone thought.
It's amazing the power that letting go for a minute can give you.
Only when I'm falling down, down, down...
colors and shapes,
bright lights,
music
...do I ever feel free.
Stress has taken its toll on me this week.
Tonight, though, I will be better.
Tonight, I will return.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Inspiration: The Tree Project
"The head bone's connected to the neck bone,
The neck bone's connected to the shoulder bone..."
I wish there was an elementary school song to help me remember all of the bones, sutures, fossas, foramen....
"The frontal bone's conected to the parietal bone,
The parietal bone's connected to the occipital bone...."
It just doesn't sound as pleasant.
Anatomy is kicking my ass.
The only thing that's been keeping me semi-sane is the gorgeous weather and the beauty that is autumn, especially the trees.
Therefore, I have decided to explore the depths of my creative soul and begin a new project.
I need some art in my life.
"The Tree Project!"
Very creative, I know.
I have chosen to put my digital camera to work and photograph trees...
Tall trees,
Short trees,
Wide trees,
Crooked trees,
Swirly ones, jaggedy ones, and pointy ones,
Soft trees,
Magestic trees...
What I'm going to do with them, I don't know yet.
We'll see where inspiration leads me.
The neck bone's connected to the shoulder bone..."
I wish there was an elementary school song to help me remember all of the bones, sutures, fossas, foramen....
"The frontal bone's conected to the parietal bone,
The parietal bone's connected to the occipital bone...."
It just doesn't sound as pleasant.
Anatomy is kicking my ass.
The only thing that's been keeping me semi-sane is the gorgeous weather and the beauty that is autumn, especially the trees.
Therefore, I have decided to explore the depths of my creative soul and begin a new project.
I need some art in my life.
"The Tree Project!"
Very creative, I know.
I have chosen to put my digital camera to work and photograph trees...
Tall trees,
Short trees,
Wide trees,
Crooked trees,
Swirly ones, jaggedy ones, and pointy ones,
Soft trees,
Magestic trees...
What I'm going to do with them, I don't know yet.
We'll see where inspiration leads me.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Philosophy of a Toothache
Do your wisdom teeth give you more wisdom when they start to show?
Or do they just give you wisdom of intense, throbbing pain?
...Because I seriously think I am fine without it.
Why do they even call them wisdom teeth anyway?
Because you get them when you're more wise?
I don't think I'm much more wise today than I was a week ago.
They should call them "you suck teeth" or
"why do you even exist teeth" or
"teeth that ruin your perfectly good day by giving you a headache and making you grouchy".
Or do they just give you wisdom of intense, throbbing pain?
...Because I seriously think I am fine without it.
Why do they even call them wisdom teeth anyway?
Because you get them when you're more wise?
I don't think I'm much more wise today than I was a week ago.
They should call them "you suck teeth" or
"why do you even exist teeth" or
"teeth that ruin your perfectly good day by giving you a headache and making you grouchy".
Monday, October 4, 2010
Peacemaker
So many times
she's cried to me,
yelled at me,
lied to me.
So many times
she's hurt me,
bruised me,
disturbed me.
I've cried because she wouldn't listen.
I've cried because she destroyed things dear to my heart.
But this time, it was different.
She called me last night,
in sheer agony
and terror.
I could barely comprehend her words,
so sloppily meshed with her sobs and tears.
She's just a baby,
only 17,
carrying a burden heavier than I've ever known,
a baby of her own.
This time she came to me,
scared,
alone,
unsure of what to do.
Her man doesn't want her anymore.
She's too terrified to even tell mom and dad.
"You're not a failure,
life is full of unexpected surprises.
This could be a beautiful thing," I told her.
I tried to be positive.
She's not ready.
She's like an infant, trying to pick up a huge boulder.
It's so heavy, it's crushing her to the ground.
So many times
I've cared for her,
relaxed her,
been there for her.
So many times
I've forgiven her,
made her smile,
and driven her.
It means a lot that she came to me.
It shows that even though I never recognized it before,
she does love me.
She does appreciate everything.
And for that,
I'd do anything for my sister.
I wish her courage, strength, and an optimistic mind through all of this.
Because really,
I appreciate and love her, too.
she's cried to me,
yelled at me,
lied to me.
So many times
she's hurt me,
bruised me,
disturbed me.
I've cried because she wouldn't listen.
I've cried because she destroyed things dear to my heart.
But this time, it was different.
She called me last night,
in sheer agony
and terror.
I could barely comprehend her words,
so sloppily meshed with her sobs and tears.
She's just a baby,
only 17,
carrying a burden heavier than I've ever known,
a baby of her own.
This time she came to me,
scared,
alone,
unsure of what to do.
Her man doesn't want her anymore.
She's too terrified to even tell mom and dad.
"You're not a failure,
life is full of unexpected surprises.
This could be a beautiful thing," I told her.
I tried to be positive.
She's not ready.
She's like an infant, trying to pick up a huge boulder.
It's so heavy, it's crushing her to the ground.
So many times
I've cared for her,
relaxed her,
been there for her.
So many times
I've forgiven her,
made her smile,
and driven her.
It means a lot that she came to me.
It shows that even though I never recognized it before,
she does love me.
She does appreciate everything.
And for that,
I'd do anything for my sister.
I wish her courage, strength, and an optimistic mind through all of this.
Because really,
I appreciate and love her, too.
Friday, October 1, 2010
October
It seems a little surreal that I'm standing in the midst of autumn once again.
Every treasure that the season unburries, day by day, holds special meaning to my heart.
It makes me look back and reflect on "the good days", when I didn't have a care in the world.
"The good days."
I'm struggling with them now,
to mend things that I thought at the time were innocent, and would never harm anyone,
especially myself.
It's a lot of weight to carry and I often times dream about going back to that place.
Fixing mistakes before they happen.
Is there a way to experience those joyous treasures without reaping any detriments in the future?
I want to be alone for a while.
I want to watch the sun set and transform the colorful leaves into glowing flakes of gold.
They will grasp the tree branches in their final days, gripping as long as they can before falling to the ground, no longer having anything to hold on to.
I am the branches. The leaves are my mistakes. With the new autumn, I will let them go and start fresh.
I want to reflect,
work on my subtle changes.
Fix everything.
The new month brings new life.
New life brings opportunity.
I welcome you, October, with open arms.
Every treasure that the season unburries, day by day, holds special meaning to my heart.
It makes me look back and reflect on "the good days", when I didn't have a care in the world.
"The good days."
I'm struggling with them now,
to mend things that I thought at the time were innocent, and would never harm anyone,
especially myself.
It's a lot of weight to carry and I often times dream about going back to that place.
Fixing mistakes before they happen.
Is there a way to experience those joyous treasures without reaping any detriments in the future?
I want to be alone for a while.
I want to watch the sun set and transform the colorful leaves into glowing flakes of gold.
They will grasp the tree branches in their final days, gripping as long as they can before falling to the ground, no longer having anything to hold on to.
I am the branches. The leaves are my mistakes. With the new autumn, I will let them go and start fresh.
I want to reflect,
work on my subtle changes.
Fix everything.
The new month brings new life.
New life brings opportunity.
I welcome you, October, with open arms.
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